Divorce Tip #1 – Is it Really Time for a Divorce?
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At the beginning, there may be some confusion, some doubt, as whether or not divorce is your only option. This is obviously a big step. You may be considering other directions like marriage counseling, or a short term separation. Or you may have already tried all these things and found out that there has been no progress… your marriage is just not getting any better.When you have come to the realization that your marriage is truly coming to an end, then you must start “thinking divorce”. This is the point where you have to get through the denial phase and stop wondering if this is just a rough patch that you both can work through. The timing on this may be hard to determine for several of reasons:
1) You are not 100% sure that you want a divorce
2) You are not 100% sure if your wife wants a divorce
3) You are refusing to admit that your marriage has failed, or that you have failed to keep your marriage together (This is more common than you would think)
4) You don’t want to take the risk of hurting your kids (Although staying in an unhappy relationship may be already hurting your kids more than you think.)
Either way you have to change to divorce mode as soon as you realize that there is no other option. You may later be surprised that while you where contemplating all this, your “wife” was already contacting divorce attorneys, making financial moves, and getting advice from her “family and friends”. So once you make the decision there is really no reason to hold back.
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January 28th, 2009 at 6:17 am
My wife just told me she wanted a divorce two days ago and here I am. The emotions that I’m feeling are unimaginable can’t eat, sleep or stop showing emotion. I do not want this and am I wrong for trying to have us go to see someone for help? She says no, we did it four years ago, and will going four years ago have any affect on this now? I’m one of those guys that thinks there’s nothing wrong even though I’m sure there were sign of some sort.She says she’s leaving due to lack of respect, lack of backing and that I hurt her an it’s done. I’m really at a loss. We have a house, two kids, and the normal stuff other couples have, we’ve been together ten yrs. She hasn’t even gone to talk to an attorney yet. I said it just makes things go slower and if she really want to do this than she has to start.I’ve got alot of info off this site and I want to say thanks. One of the hardest things to deal with for me is the emotion side of it. It’s not that I’m not strong it’s just that I don’t want it to happen.
January 30th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Shane,
The emotions that you are feeling are completely normal, especially if is your wife who made the sole decision to get a divorce. But my advice to you is to be careful! Sometimes these types of emotions and the unwillingness to act can come back to bite you. Remember it only takes one person to get a divorce. It sounds like she has given up, and if she has the same feelings now that she had four years ago, then going to see someone is not likely going to help. It requires that both spouses be willing to participate, and even if you pressure her enough to go see somebody she will not likely put in the effort that is needed to make it work.
You need to be very wary! You will not even know if she has an attorney until you get served with divorce papers and, more than likely, a no-contact order which could force you to have to leave the house for the duration of the divorce. You need to start thinking about your kids and your own well-being! You need to come up with a strategy for yourself, because if you let her get too much of a head-start then it will be very hard to catch up. I would never advise anyone to sit and wait until the other spouse makes the first move.
But it is perfectly okay for you to go and see someone. Someone that can help you deal with your emotions, especially since it is likely to get worse before it gets better. Always remember something… “The woman that is divorcing you is not the same woman that you married!”
Good luck to you, and feel free to add more comments if you have any specific questions.
Chris
(Disclaimer: Remember, I am not a divorce attorney and any information and/or opinions that I provide should not be construed as legal advice.)
January 30th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Can she really get a no-contact order? I was under the impression that I could stay in the house as long as I wanted. I did make a appointment with an attorney. She told me she got one and it also seems like her attorney told her not to talk to me anymore. Like you said I don’t want to get behind the eightball. As I’m starting to calm down I can start to think strait now. Just think how much your life can turn upside down in a week. Another thing, when I started to talk to some people that went through this they told me it cost them between 6,000 to 10,000 dollars when all said and done. That was a shock.
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:07 am
No-contact orders are fairly common in divorces, especially as the process moves on and the disputes become worse and worse. The court can take a proactive stand in order to prevent any possible abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, or even financial. My advice is to remain as calm as possible and don’t give her and her divorce attorney any ammunition.
The cost of the a divorce can vary greatly. A lot of it depends on the amount of conflict, length, and whether or not you are going for the creme de la creme of divorce attorneys. Some can cost you $100/hour, while others will charge $300+ per hour. If you and your soon to be ex begin fighting over everything, like who is going to get the kitchen table, then you are probably in for a long, expensive process. My advice is to pick your battles wisely. Don’t fight over frivolous things. My guess is that the biggest battle will be over child custody and monetary support, which is often the where a lot of the costs come in.
If you have any further, questions or comments and don’t want post it on the site, then feel free to e-mail me at chris@mensdivorcehq.org.
Chris
(Disclaimer: Remember, I am not a divorce attorney and any information and/or opinions that I provide should not be construed as legal advice.)
February 17th, 2009 at 12:40 am
Facts:
If a woman wants a divorce,they made their mind up 6 mos ago,it just took that long for them to tell you`.
Invest in a good audio recorder.Women will make up the most unthinkable crap you could ever imagine.protect yourself and record.
Women all have to play the victim,especially the voluntarily unemployed.They will claim the most absurd crap you ever heard of.Dont let it get to you.
Walk from a fight.If a known bitch starts crap,go into the bathroom,turn your recorder on,and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE ASAP.Defend yourself if your life is threatened physically but dont strike unless you are in eminent danger.
Women are good liars.Dont forget it.If the idiot calls 911 w false claims of phys abuse,leave the house,WITH YOUR RECORDER.they cant screw w you if youre not there.
Get a GOOD attorney.do some homework.it sucks to spend 30 K on a crappy atty and get nothing.Take a day off and go to divorce court.youll see who is agressive and who sucks.
If you have the money,consult with as many 5 star divorce attys as you can,it will keep the B*tch from retaining them.This is cheap insurance.
Work to settle
Most women want TV’S pots n pans etc etc.let em have it.if they think they got over its good.sell the house and split the residual if you can.
Behave:
Dont get caught w another woman in any way shape or form.It will screw you in the long run.BEHAVE no drinking,vacations etc.live a simple life till its over.stay away from porn sites on the net. be careful who you talk to.friends jump ship during a divorce and sometimes change sides.you may use this to your advantage,but be careful.dont do stupid carp like hiding money etc etc it can be found.remember, the goal is to get the bitch out of your life so you can move on and start over.
rant mode off……..