Although finding a divorce attorney is very important, it is not the first thing that you want to jump in to. Locating the right attorney can take some time and research on your part. It is an extremely important decision that most be thought through on so many different levels. But while you are looking for that “perfect” divorce attorney, there are some steps that you can take now that will help out your case in the very near future.
1) Get yourself a P.O. Box. You will soon be receiving letters and correspondence about your divorce that you do not want to fall into your wife’s hands. This is not being sneaky… it is being smart!
2) Immediately close any joint accounts that you and your wife opened while you were married. This includes saving accounts, checking accounts, credit cards, etc. There is nothing keeping your wife from going in an clearing out a savings account. And wouldn’t it be nice to find out later on that she used that money to hire the best divorce attorney in town.
3) Gather up any business and financial records and store them in a safe place (ie safe deposit box). You do not want to make things easier on your wife and her divorce attorney by virtually handing over all your financial information. This could easily be used against you when they try to come up with figures pertaining to alimony and, if necessary, child support.
4) If you have kids, be sure to regularly assure them that you are not “divorcing” them too, and they are in no way responsible for what is happening between you and their mother. When kids don’t quite understand what is going on, they tend to draw their own conclusions, and in many cases will blame themselves for the divorce. That’s why explaining the situation to them everyday is so important!
5) Try and reduce your standard of living as much as possible. This includes any unnecessary spending and large purchases. You do not want to give off the impression that your finances are in great shape (even if they actually are), because this could lead to the judge ordering you to provide higher maitenance/alimony payments to your soon-to-be ex.
These are the first 5 steps that you should take, but remember in the meantime you should be looking out for a good divorce attorney. I am sure that there are other steps you can take and I will be adding more in the posts to come. But if you have anything you want to add, don’t forget to share it so others can learn from your experiences as well.
This has been the most helpfull website i have found, i got even more info that what i would of got from my lawyer. I am about to start the process, but im a immigrant and fear what my wife is willing to do, just to keep me away from my child. she has done this before 19 years ago.
Once again Thank You
Kind Regards
Donovan Davis
Donovan,
I am glad that this site was able to help you even if it is just a little bit. If you are able to stay on top of things from the beginning, then you will have a much better chance of getting a favorable outcome.
Come back to the site soon as I have some more information that I will be writing about in the near future.
Chris
I feel like my marriage may be in trouble….I am the only income in the family and my wife is looking to start taking college courses. This of course would be financed by me…..Do I allow her to start the college classes or do I disuade her. We have not talked divorce…I just have a feeling things are not right.
Matt,
You are in a tricky situation. There are 2 things you probably should consider. First if you dissuade her, you may hindering her chance at making a self-sustaining income, which could end up costing you in alimony payments. Remember, alimony payments are usually based on what it takes to keep an ex-wife in the same standard of living that they have been accustomed to during the marriage. If they cannot do that on their own then you would most likely have to pay the difference. With more education she would be closer to that earning that same “standard of living”.
But on the opposite end, if you are paying for her courses now and end up getting a divorce in the mean time, you could be ordered to continue to pay for the courses until she attains some sort of degree. There is some good in this though. Think of it like paying your way out of future alimony, and you know that the money is going towards a good cause. Also, there is a higher likelihood that she would qualify for more college assistance (ie grants) after she is divorced, which could also lower your monetary obligation.
To me it just seems that if you choose to try and dissuade her it may come back to bite you later, if you happen to get a divorce. But of course, ultimately the decision is up to you.
Hope this helps…
Chris
(Disclaimer: Remember, I don’t have a law degree, I am not a divorce attorney and any information and/or opinions that I provide should not be construed as legal advice.)
Hi Chris,
I am glad i saw this website, very informative and actually i am learning things for the first time. Thank you guys for all who support men / Father who longs to keep a family.
My situation is i am an permanent resident and my wife is a dependent of my status to be in U.S. in 6 weeks of coming to U.S she had abandoned both my daughter (who is 3 at that time) and me. It is now 2 1/2 yrs i have raised my child all by myself as single parent without a penny from her or any physical help from anyone else in these years.
Now she wants divorce and the child and is thinking of spousal support and wants to Join college studies which can be a huge tuition.
What should i do? Does her college enrollment and if she takes a loan am i responsible to pay for it? we are planning to get a divorce but not sure if it is going to be uncontested. please give me suggestions, thanks in advance.
A different Divorce; I fall into a strange category, my wife is divorcing me. I am not the bread winner, in fact I have suffered panic attacks and agoraphobia ever since we been together and so she has taken care of me. Our home is paid for and was given to me by my Mother who passed away last year. But the home was put in my wife’s name in trust. So that is where the real problem begins.
In some way I feel like she set this whole thing up, the timing is just a little strange.
All of a sudden she just up and abandoned me, knowing I can’t take care of myself very well. It’s like she has been planning everything for a while. Then she filed a protection (restraining) order against me and had an emergency court date set for the very next morning after accusing me of rape and unwanted advances. Luckily, the judge saw right through it and threw the case out.
The sad thing is, even with all the hell she’s put me through over the last week or so, I still love her and am still in love with her… which is why this whole thing hurt so much. She on the other hand shows no love towards me, which is what hurts even more.
Cory, Stay strong buddy and don’t over-think things. My wife asked me for a divorce a couple of months ago and i stupidly moved out of the house. Well, when I discovered that she did this because she was having a 1 year emotional affair, I put myself back in the house. She panicked! The laws have to change. Good men like us cannot be abused.
Her parents gave us a house free and clear without any paperwork on it. Now they realized the mistake and they know their daughter screwed up. All of the sudden, I am money driven. I am back in the house for my kids and I am so happy with that.
Look at the bright side… Love yourself first and don’t degrade yourself any longer. BE STRONG AND DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF! SHE HAS TO SEE YOU AS STRONG. DO THIS FOR YOURSELF.
Some real savvy gents on this board… I have some unique problems for which I’m considering leaving my wife but the worst one is that she is a Lawyer! She started her career as a family law attorney (divorce) and now 8 years later she practices personal injury. She knows all the 5 Star divorce lawyers in our area so I’m looking for some advice on this issue.
Up until 2009, I has a higher salary than her, but I was caught up in the recession and lost my job. I took a job in 2010 that paid about half what I was making and only recently have another job paying close to my 2009 salary.
My two reasons for which I’m considering divorcing my wife are: 1.) I have “lost” interest in her physically and do not really want to be intimate with her because of reasons that I won’t mention at this time. 2.) My wife gives money to her family both secretly and telling me. She has continually put us in financially difficult situations and her reasoning is that she “earned” her money and I have NO right to tell her what she can or cannot do with it. We have supported her family over the past 8 years giving them over 12-13 thousand dollars. Pleas Help!!!!
My wife and I are separated and seeking a divorce in the future. We have two children together. I asked her to move out after I had enough of her lies and lack of support finacially, emotionally, ect. She only worked for about 1.5 yrs during 13 yrs together. At first I had the boys because my wife has health problems, the boys said they wanted to go live with her about a month ago, I did not fight their decision because I want them to be happy.
My wife was committed to a mental institution after she abandoned me and her children on two occassions, she tried to commit suicide, and was diagnosed as bipolar. Do I have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting custody of my kids?
My wife has accumulated a lot of medical bills, she would not ask for any help with the medical bills. Will I be held responsible for all of her bills if they have her name on the bill?
Our home is in my mother’s name and I have a signed lease agreement with her. Ninety percent of the furnishings and appliances and ect was given to me by my mother and other family members. Can she try to get my house? Can she get the other items as well?