Divorce Tip #6 – Stay in Your House!

 

Important!!! – Making the decision of whether or not to move out of the house during your divorce is probably the biggest one you have had to make since first realizing that your marriage was no longer working out. The very nature of this topic concerning the home and divorce requires that the discussion be updated constantly, so even if you have been here before, there is some benefit to reading through it again. It would be impossible to present this in a single paragraph or two, so don’t be intimidated by the length of this article. The objective is to provide enough information & references that you will not be caught by surprise by anything that your soon-to-be ex and her divorce attorney will try from this day forward…

There is no way around it! When a divorce is in your future, you head will be flooded with all kinds of questions… Can My Wife make me move out of the house? … Who gets the house in a divorce? … Should I just bite the bullet and move out willingly? … What happens when I don’t want to move out of the house?

Depending on where you are in the whole divorce process, you have probably been feeling constant pressure to move out of the house since that 1st time the divorce was discussed. The mere fact that you have come here looking for information would mean that you are close to making a decision. To begin with, be assured that every husband deals with this during some point in the divorce process. There have also been times that it has become an issue even when the couple doesn’t own a house together. A good apartment can be worth fighting for, especially when it has been someone’s home for a long time. It doesn’t matter how many times it has been discussed on this web site over the last 5 years, there is no perfect answer on what to do with the home before the divorce is finalized. Although it is not the case, I really wish it was as simple as the title of this article suggests. Your ongoing research should reveal that there is an infinite number of characteristics that can make your divorce different from the next guy. The website is here to provide the kind of information that you need to make the best decision for you.

Note: The topic of this article is what to do with the house when the divorce process is just beginning. What to do with the house after the divorce is completely separate matter and it is something that should be specifically addressed in the separation agreement and/or final divorce decree (among other very important issues)… Information concerning the strategies involved in that part of the divorce process will be covered in future articles.

This particular issue usually pops up soon after you and your soon-to-be ex have decided that a separation or divorce is inevitable… It is that time period before any legal agreements or settlements have been made. Unfortunately, it is that same time period when it feels like the conflicts, arguments and bad blood between the two of you is at its worst. At this point in your divorce, it is absolutely critical that you use common sense as the basis for your decisions… allowing emotions to take over can be dangerous and lead to things that you will very likely regret. This is all extremely important because, even though you are just starting out, the choices that you make from this point forward could determine if you are truly capable of “winning” this divorce!

Here are some things to consider when you start to get the feeling that you or your soon-to-be ex-wife needs to move out of the house while the divorce is underway…

- Should you simply pick up and move out of the home?

- Should you be very persistent about getting your soon-to-be ex-wife to move out?

- Or should you simply do whatever it takes to share the residence until the final divorce decision is made?

Unfortunately, regardless of what choices you make in this matter, they all have their own assortment of advantages and setbacks, which is why you first need to assess the state of your divorce and then move on to what should be done with the house. I will attempt to provide some examples that are based both on my own divorce experience and those of others who I have helped via this website.

If you haven’t already had your wife demand that you grab whatever you can carry and move out of the home immediately, there is a good chance that it will come up in the very near future. If you happen to have no interest in keeping the house and your one goal is to have the most simple & peaceful divorce possible, then it might be in your best interest to follow her requests and always do exactly as she says. However, if you are a husband that actually wants a fair share of the marital assets (including the home), you just might have to put up a fight for it. I have personally believed for a long time that you should NOT move out house early unless you are forced to by an order of the court.

The very nature of a divorce means that the tension in the household could soon become unbearable. It may make perfect sense to remove yourself from this “battleground”. But you have to be very careful with this decision, because after moving out, you could very well end up looking back on it and realize that it was the 1st and one of the biggest mistakes you made during the divorce. There are many ex-husbands out there who have assumed that moving out of the house is only temporary. Using my own experience and the information offered by other men going through a divorce, I can confidently say that by making a quick decision to move out of the home, your actions are making a statement that you probably never considered…

-First off… By “volunteering” to move out of the house without some sort of rock-solid agreement in place, you could be very well demonstrating to the courts, the judge, your wife’s attorney and anyone else associated with your divorce that you don’t want and/or need the house! This also includes giving everyone the impression that you have the financial resources needed to get another residence while still likely paying for all, or at least part, of the mortgage on the family home. It doesn’t matter how hard it is for you to make all these payments as your wife will certainly claim to be in a worse position… not only does she needs the house, but she also needs your help to pay for it. One of the realities that I have picked up on over the years is that once someone makes the decision to move out, it is nearly impossible to make their way back unless the wife is adamant that she wants nothing to do with the house. This will need to be her stance even after her attorney, friends and family try to convince her that she can get the house while still making you pay for it. Are you still confident enough that she will not give in to all this pressure?

- The second issue comes into play only if you have children, but it has the potential of becoming an even bigger problem than simply losing your home… The decision to pick up and move out could inadvertently convey to the family court that not only are you fine with getting a different place to live but you are also able to leave your kids behind while agreeing that your spouse should have full custody. Remember, any emotional struggles and anguish that you might be feeling from having no other option but to leave the house and your kids is not something that can be put it in a file to present as evidence. Your actions will always stand out above everything else. You can’t simply expect to walk into that courtroom and explain to the judge that it was extremely difficult decision and that your soon-to-be ex-wife left you with no other alternative, but to move out of the house. All she has to do is deny any of your claims, and without hard evidence in hand, it will become another typical case of he said/she said.

When dealing with what to do with the house during the divorce, this article has only really begun to scratch the surface when it comes to resolving these issues. In this day and age when the finances are constantly a problem, it simply isn’t an option for most of us to go out and find another place to live, especially when there seems to be so much difficulty in making that one mortgage payment. This is why many people who are going through a divorce have had to come up with rather inventive ways of making it through it all without becoming a heavy burden on family and friends, or even worse, ending up on the streets with no home at all. For this a reason, there is a whole list of subjects that still need to be discussed in future articles, and include such topics as…

- Effectively (and Peacefully) sharing the home with your soon-to-be ex-wife, but at different times

- The kind of legal agreement needed to make sure that you can safely move out of the home without actually “abandoning” it.

- What to do when you come home to find that all the locks have been changed?

- What are your options when she has the in-laws move into the house just to make your day-to-day life unbearable?

- How to respond when your wife uses false allegations of abuse to gain a protective order and have you forcibly removed from the home?

I do understand that many of you are going through these kinds of problems right now and cannot wait any longer for information on what to do. So if you find yourself needing immediate answers, I suggest looking into any of the following references. Although I would never like to admit it, they might actually offer better advice than you could ever hope to get here.

*This Resource Really is Worth a Look!!*

Keep an eye out for the new articles and any updates that may be posted. And as always, I invite you to comment on this article and provide any additional advice that you might have. I am extremely pleased by the amount of discussion that has already been offered, but more information is always better. Remember, there is a really good chance that someone else here is going through the exact same situation in their divorce as you did in yours.

Thank You & Good Luck!

My Disclaimer: I am always doing my best to offer the most accurate strategies/tips on going through a divorce, but I am not a divorce attorney. The information that you pick up here should never serve as a substitute for legal advice from an actual divorce lawyer. Consider the following scenario as an example… Just as you don’t want a mechanic performing surgery on a loved one, you should never be satisfied with getting legal advice from anyone but an experienced attorney. However, you probably use the internet to research health issues before going to see a doctor, so coming here to do some research on divorce is to be expected. If you are having difficulty finding a reliable local divorce attorney, then check out this article (opens in a different page/tab) before leaving here today.


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Divorce Tip #6 – Stay in Your House! — 104 Comments

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  4. Hi, my wife of 22 years has walked out of our home saying she needs space and time to get her head straight… 7 weeks have passed and she still says she needs more time. She says I have done nothing wrong, but then says my behaviour is the reason for leaving. She states that I don’t respect her wishes (for space) and I always think that I’m right! She has told family & friends that she isn’t coming back and has suggested going abroad to work. She is paying half the mortgage whilst living with family where she claims she is voluntarily giving them rent as well?
    Our children are adults now although our oldest son is living at home too.
    Can she force me to sell or can I agree to a buy out figure & pay by installments? Or do I have to re-mortgage? Also, can she just move back in??

    Many thanks

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