When a Divorce involves Children…
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A divorce can often be stressful enough, but when children are involved then it is like you constantly walking on egg shells. Like it or not, your situation becomes highly fragile and every decision that you make from the beginning can have an impact on your case. Just remember these very important points, if you truly want to stay ahead of the game.- Never push for anything less than 50% parenting time, be it before or during the divorce. Many fathers are under the impression that the mothers have some right to more time with the children than them. This is couldn’t be further from the truth, you have every legal right to spend as much time with your children as she does.
- Never voluntarily move out of the home! Once your out you may never be able to get back in, and remember stability is a number 1 priority for your kids. So the judge will most likely want the kids to remain living in the home that they are accustomed to, and if you decide to move out then it looks like you are not making your kids your highest priority.
- Never let her move out and take the children with her!! If your wife can’t stand it and wants to leave then she has every right to do so, but she doesn’t have the anymore of a right to move your kids from their house than you do. Let her leave but insist that the children have to stay in the home that they are the most comfortable for them.
- Never sign anything without having legal counsel first! You could end up trapping yourself into a “contract” that no divorce attorney will be able to get you out of later. This goes for anything, but most importantly, don’t sign something where you agree to pay child support. Yes, you might have you kids’ best interests in mind, but what you are really telling the judge is that you are O.K. with not be the non-custodial parent.
The key is to think about your actions from the very moment that you know that there is trouble in your marriage. Even if you are not considering getting a divorce now, you really have no idea which way it will turn. So the best way to address it is expect the worst and hope for the best!
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June 12th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Need advice on a divorce contingency plan. Please advise:
Synopsis and dilemma:
My wife of 16 years, and I are currently working on our very damaged marriage. She has done great harm to the kids and I but recently she has made a 180 and is back on course, to the best of my knowledge. I am currently deployed yet again so I have no way to verify if all is well at home. My question is, even though we are working things out for now, what first steps or preparations should I take in case things go south again? I have to entertain the possibility that all is not as it appears. I won’t put my kids nor myself in jeopardy again. I have consulted the Judge Advocate General’s (JAG) office and have found them to be a worthless lot. They are not even a decent resource for information nor planning.
Being in the Army and my place of residence being California puts me in a precarious situation here. Though I did not violate the marriage, I stand to take the fall due to my military status. From the last time we were headed down that road, her attorney already went on the offensive to paint me as an abusive Soldier husband who had PTSD and was a threat to her and the kids which is way far away from being the truth and she even admits it. He also advised her on how she could screw me out of my retirement and all the other benefits and saddle me with the debt she alone incurred, though I understand due to being married to her that the debt is mine as well even if I didn’t do it. I simply cannot believe that after all the horrible things she has done that she could simply walk away unscathed leaving me to pick up the mess and I still have to support her? I would have had to file bankruptcy because of this mess and will lose my security clearance in the process, face UCMJ charges and lose my job all because of her. I fail to see where this is fair. This is the only reason I have entertained working it out. I can’t stand living with damaged goods, trust me. I need help in looking for a way out and land at least on my knees and not my face.
I am an awesome Dad if I don’t say so myself and wish to keep full custody of my kids. I do not want child support or anything else. I also do not feel I should have to pay alimony to a damn cheater who put us over 70,000.00 dollars in credit card debt without me finding out until it was too late. She skillfully hid so many things from me and I trusted her 110%. Big mistake that will never be repeated again. Trust me, the last three years have been hell and I have had to grin and bear it but don’t know how much longer I can last so as you can see, I need some sound advice here.
My Statistics:
Married 16yrs
2 children (teens)
U.S. Army / Staff Sergeant E-6 (20 yrs of service)
Place of Residence:
California
Facts:
1. Spouse committed adultery w/ U.S. Army Master Sergeant
2. Admission she has committed adultery in the past.
2. Spouse charged $70,000 in credit debt w/o my knowledge
3. forged checks in my name while married
4. Used social network site to cheat. (Traceable)
5. Willing to give full custody of children to me
6. Spouse holds an AS degree and is pursuing BS and holds a technical certificate in that career field (I paid for all of her education)
7. Spouse never pursued her career field upon completion. Invested thousands of dollars so far in it. (doesn’t contribute to household)
8. Spouse unwilling to share household duties.
9. Will lose job if I file Bankruptcy.
10. I have no formal education nor licenses.
Please help me.
Regards,
SSG Gerry