Synopsis and dilemma:

My wife of 16 years, and I are currently working on our very damaged marriage. She has done great harm to the kids and I but recently she has made a 180 and is back on course, to the best of my knowledge. I am currently deployed yet again so I have no way to verify if all is well at home. My question is, even though we are working things out for now, what first steps or preparations should I take in case things go south again? I have to entertain the possibility that all is not as it appears. I won’t put my kids nor myself in jeopardy again. I have consulted the Judge Advocate General’s (JAG) office and have found them to be a worthless lot. They are not even a decent resource for information nor planning.
Being in the Army and my place of residence being California puts me in a precarious situation here. Though I did not violate the marriage, I stand to take the fall due to my military status. From the last time we were headed down that road, her attorney already went on the offensive to paint me as an abusive Soldier husband who had PTSD and was a threat to her and the kids which is way far away from being the truth and she even admits it. He also advised her on how she could screw me out of my retirement and all the other benefits and saddle me with the debt she alone incurred, though I understand due to being married to her that the debt is mine as well even if I didn’t do it. I simply cannot believe that after all the horrible things she has done that she could simply walk away unscathed leaving me to pick up the mess and I still have to support her? I would have had to file bankruptcy because of this mess and will lose my security clearance in the process, face UCMJ charges and lose my job all because of her. I fail to see where this is fair. This is the only reason I have entertained working it out. I can’t stand living with damaged goods, trust me. I need help in looking for a way out and land at least on my knees and not my face.
I am an awesome Dad if I don’t say so myself and wish to keep full custody of my kids. I do not want child support or anything else. I also do not feel I should have to pay alimony to a damn cheater who put us over 70,000.00 dollars in credit card debt without me finding out until it was too late. She skillfully hid so many things from me and I trusted her 110%. Big mistake that will never be repeated again. Trust me, the last three years have been hell and I have had to grin and bear it but don’t know how much longer I can last so as you can see, I need some sound advice here.

My Statistics:
Married 16yrs
2 children (teens)
U.S. Army / Staff Sergeant E-6 (20 yrs of service)

Place of Residence:
California

Facts:
1. Spouse committed adultery w/ U.S. Army Master Sergeant
2. Admission she has committed adultery in the past.
2. Spouse charged $70,000 in credit debt w/o my knowledge
3. forged checks in my name while married
4. Used social network site to cheat. (Traceable)
5. Willing to give full custody of children to me
6. Spouse holds an AS degree and is pursuing BS and holds a technical certificate in that career field (I paid for all of her education)
7. Spouse never pursued her career field upon completion. Invested thousands of dollars so far in it. (doesn’t contribute to household)
8. Spouse unwilling to share household duties.
9. Will lose job if I file Bankruptcy.
10. I have no formal education nor licenses.

Please help me.
Regards,
SSG Gerry