A contested divorce is probably the most common form of divorce that is out there. When you think of a divorce, the lawyers, the mediations, the court hearings, those are all part of a contested divorce. And unfortunately, as you probably already guessed, contested divorces take longer to settle and end up costing you a lot more money. So what is it that generally leads to a contested divorce? One simple answer… disagreement.
These disagreements can be about absolutely anything. It can be something as simple as who will get the kitchen table (although I hope that you won’t be bickering about such small things) to who will get the house, alimony payments, child custody, and/or child support. Either way, if you and your wife can not seem to come to any agreement on your own then you are well on your way to a contested divorce.
Contested divorces always involve divorce attorneys, sometimes mediators, and a whole lot of added stress. Somehow the disagreements need to be resolved and if your attorneys cannot do it, then it will be up to the judge to make the decisions for you. This is obviously the route that you don’t want to take, but often times there are no other options.
If your wife is making exaggerated demands like getting full custody of your kids, incredibly high alimony payments, and trying to kick you out of your home, then there really is no other option but to fight back. These are situations where you just can’t let her and her divorce attorney take advantage of you. Besides if the demands are that outrageous, then it is likely that a judge will see that and make his/her decisions accordingly.
So whether or not it is the best route to take, a contested divorce may be the only way that you can get a fair divorce settlement. I have known too many men who want things to be over so badly that they give into demands that have placed them in dire situations. Remember no matter how badly you wish for the divorce to be over and done with, it is not worth putting yourself on a path of financial ruin or, even worse, only being able to see you kids once or twice a month.
There comes a time when you have no other choice to fight back! And no one, especially your soon to be ex-wife, should be given the opportunity to come between you and your livelihood and/or you kids.
We are renting. She has served me with the papers last week. She wants me out but I want some things worked out before. 1. We own a business together. Her father is the landlord. I want to be sure my income will be available to secure and follow through with a year lease. 2. I want her to agree on a child visitation schedule. She wants the maximum. I want a bit more, like 65/35 – not 80/20. Should I expect this to be worked out before I move out? When should I move out?
Sean,
Remember, I am not a divorce attorney so do not take this as legal advice this is just my thoughts from what I have researched and experienced.
Once you move out of the home (or apartment), you will lose a lot of leverage in the negotiations. Especially if there are children involved. I never recommend moving out of the home on a voluntary basis, and in your case I would be very weary because of the father being the landlord. The only time you should move out is if there is an agreement between your attorneys or if you are ordered to by a judge.
With her making demands this quickly, it seems that she is very eager to get you out which you can actually use to your advantage. Get an attorney if you haven’t already and have him draw up the papers to your liking and let her know that the only way you are leaving is if all of this is settled. Most importantly protect your livelihood (the business) and always fight to get as much time with your kids as you can. Those two issues you should never back down on.
But here is a quick warning… she may get very desperate and start making false accusations against you. This doesn’t mean you will get into any criminal problems, but she can try and use it to get a court order to have you removed from the apartment. This can be in the form of a protection order, restraining order, or a no contact order. That is why it is so crucial for you to find a divorce attorney in the very near future. Like them or not, they do know the legal ways to protect your interests.
Hope this helps!
Hi I left co-op she changed locks my lawyer says get cheap apartment. Made agreement she dragged time did not sign I’m in court first date judge orders me to pay all maintenance for co-op,her lawyer fee ,plus two hundred a week and appraisals of all assets.we have been married 8 years no children she has worked from day one.I felt like a criminal
my lawyer says judge could rule to pay alimony.oh this judge is female and a former nun.men have no rights it seems to me that there can be no fairness until laws are reformed.
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I have one fast question,Should i force her too file first ans have ME served or should i go ahead and do it first? And does it make a diffrence?
Victor,
If a divorce is imminent and you live in a no-fault state (which most states are) then it doesn’t make any difference who files for a divorce first. If you both are waiting for the other to make the first move, it just adds more tension and conflict to an already high stress situation. I filed first in my divorce and was not looked upon any differently.
Now if you live in an at-fault state the person who is claiming that they have been wronged (ie cheated on) generally files first, but such situations are getting rare. Most married couples claim irreconcilable differences as the reason for the divorce.
Chris
(Disclaimer: Remember, I don’t have a law degree, I am not a divorce attorney and any information and/or opinions that I provide should not be construed as legal advice.)